I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize