is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize