The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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