I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
