just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
