Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
