I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
