4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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