If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
