I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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