Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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