I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
