Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
