Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
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