Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
