Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
COCAINE IS GR8
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
