let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
