Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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