She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
