Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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