they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
