Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
