yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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