Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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