I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
