can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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