Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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