You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
