Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
