I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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