he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
