im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
