I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
