wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I love having hate sex.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
