Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize