he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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