yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
