That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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