There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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