So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
