just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
