her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
