I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
