Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
