So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
