Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
