I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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