I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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