Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
