I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
