i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
