apparently the secret to your success is patron
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
