i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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