So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
