i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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