Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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