I think I died a long time ago.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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