i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
