I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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