margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
