i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
