A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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