I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
