They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
