i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
