you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
