If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
