Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i don't like sucking hair
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
