You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
