It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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