You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
