FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
