Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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