I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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