Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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