Got a toothbrush?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
