My room smells like vodka and shame
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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