there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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